Moving Away From an Unhealthy Relationship

Let's face it, we have all been in relationships that started out great and with much promise, but then turned out to be the worst decision we have ever made. We think to ourselves, where did I go wrong, what did I do, how did this happen? Well, you are not alone. There are many people who have experienced this same dilemma.

It all starts at the beginning. You have to ask yourself, what am I looking for, what type of person do I want sharing my life with me, how will this person enhance my life? You can't come into a relationship expecting the other person to "complete you." You need to be complete before entering into a relationship. It is very important that you have your morals, values and goals in place and are living them daily. Adding another person into the equation will only complicate things if you are not solid on what it is that you expect out of a partner and out of your life goals.

Here is an example, you are working and have been for many years, you are saving money and have been for many years and you have goals and dreams. You own a home but are working to obtain a larger home, such as your "dream home." You are not a heavy drinker but you enjoy drinks with friends on occasion. You are at a point in your life where spending money on unnecessary things isn't something that you engage in because you are sticking to your goals and dreams. Don't get me wrong, you splurge on yourself when you can because you have earned that right by having a solid career and income.

You really want to be in love and have a relationship so that you can build and share a life with someone special. You would like to start a family as well. You meet the "man of your dreams" and you can list dozens of things about him that you love. He is tall, good looking, funny, compassionate and gets along great with your family. WOW, you have found a winner. You can't see any fault in him because when you look into his dreamy blue eyes ......everything and anything negative falls away.

"What negative things are you talking about?" you ask. Well, this dream boat has no future goals or plans, hasn't saved much money, considering his age and years of working and is completely happy just living in his one room apartment. He is more interested in hanging out with his buddies and spending money on drinks or buying electronics items that are not in your wheelhouse. These things might not seem like big things to some people, but we are talking about YOU remember. Each person's set of goals and values should be the most important thing to them. So when you are looking for a partner, it is important to find someone who is on the same page as you. Not someone who is a clone of you, but simply on the same page about goals and values. I feel that you and your partner need to bring to the relationship a 50/50 partnership which will equal 100% commitment to the relationship. Once you compromise those core values for dreamy eyes or how well your partner gets along with your dog, than you are settling for sure and derailing your future plans. If you choose to do that, than you can't blame anyone but yourself.

Over time, you find yourself making excuses for giving up your dreams and goals just to suit the needs of your partner, who never started out being a 50/50 partner in the relationship. Pretty soon, you will no longer be working toward your goals, but will be working to catch up on bills that you never incurred in the first place. But still, you tell yourself, "he is so nice though" or "he means well."

Little things become big things and discussions become arguments until you no longer can even see what you saw in this person in the first place.

The old saying "opposites attract" may sound romantic, but in reality it may not be ideal when you have plans and dreams as should your partner. It is good if they are somewhat aligned.

In conclusion, just ask yourself what is attractive to you in a partner.... what turns you on or impresses you about this person? Is it someone who is stable financially and emotionally? Is it someone who has dreams and plans for his future? Someone who is considerate of your feelings regarding your dreams and goals and wants to enhance his own dreams by including your dreams into his? Or are you attracted to someone who looks good in a pair of jeans and loves pets but depends on you to make all the decisions and call all the shots. I leave you with this, there is power in knowledge and being smart about your decision making process, right from the beginning will allow you to have a much happier life.